Too Many Lists!
by phantoms crazy shadow 13
Summary: What happens when you let Emmett onto the computer-thingy? This might happen to include Jasper has gender problems, Alice has new socks, Edward believing in God, Rosalie decides to be a kitty.....and much more. So read and find out what's in store!
1. EMMETT ON THE COMPUTER THINGY!

**YAY! MY SECOND FANFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL I WONT KEEP YOU WAITING SO HERES THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**OH AND CHAD SAYS HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (NOW GO AWAY CHAD)**

**OH AND P.S. I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT.**

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Em pov

God, I'm bored. What to do? What to do?

"Why don't you surf the web?" stupid mind reading vampire, well lets see how you like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"My brain, it's tainted." And with that I managed to get Eddie out of the room and out of my head, ha-ha. He did have a point though, why don't I use the web boxy thingy!

So that leads me to where I am right now, looking at the computer thingy with the bestest best smile on my face!

This is going to be soooooooooooooo much fun!!!!!!!!

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Edward pov

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Alice pov

Oh my god, I must have those… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Rose pov

Why is everyone screaming? What could be so bad, it's not like Emmett… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Jasper pov

Why is everyone feeling dread, and why is Emmett feeling mischievous… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Bella pov

Why is Edward freaking out? Wait there is only one thing that will get him that way… EMMETT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Nessie pov

Why did everyone scream and wake me? Wait just a second, screaming, Emmett, this could only mean one thing… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Carlise pov

Why did Alice call and tell me to start screaming? Well if the physic says so… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Esme pov

Oh, no. I'd know that look on Emmett's face anywhere… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EMMETT IF YOU BREAK ANYTHING, I'M SEPARATING YOU FROM ROSALIE!

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Emmett pov

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOT MY ROSIE!

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Jake pov

Why the hell is everyone screaming? Oh well, if you can't beat them, join them… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

=P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P = P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P = P =P =P =P =P =P = P =P=P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P = P =P

**Well what did Emmett find on the computer thingy, just review and ill let you find out soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Phantomscrazyshadow13**

**I COMMAND YOU TO FOLLOW THE ARROW SHAPED THINGYS!**

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**REVIEW THE EVIL BUNNIES AND CHAD DEMANDS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. AND THE STAGE IS SET!

Me: Hi, it's me again

Chad (if you must know Chad is my imaginary suicidal friend) who else would it be?

Me: What are you doing here suicidal freak?

Chad: I AM NOT A SUICIDAL FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Well, well someone has quite a temper?

Chad: I DO NOT HAVE A TEMPER!

Me: you know there is such a thing as therapy?

Chad: I DO NOT NEED THERAPY!

Me: Says the suicidal freak!

Chad: I. AM. NOT. SUICIDAL.

Me: Just keep telling yourself that. *cough~freak~cough*

Chad: Just for that your computer access is denied and you get no cookie!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY REVIEWS AND I NEEDED THE COOKIE TO WRITE MY STORIES, IT'S MY INSPIRATION!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: fine you can write the story but the cookie is gonna be oatmeal raison instead of chocolate chip!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: fine just stop whining

Me: yay

…

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I don't own anything except my suicidal imaginary friend, Chad.

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ON WITH THE SHOW, OR IN THIS CASE FANFICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Emmett POV

"Alice, PLEASE JOIN ME WHILE I COMPLETE THE MISSION OF COMPLETING THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"No"

"Why not, it's easy and you'll be my favorite shopping sista." Please join me or I shall have no other option but to use force and the oh so cute puppy dog face!

"… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fine Emmett, I'll help you if only to spare the look and my fantabulous new Gucci **(AN: I have no idea if that is spelled right and who that is)** handbag." YES, SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Emmett, if you are going to think, think quietly." Hey, Edward seeing as your reading my mind, do you thi-

"No." but, but, but, that's not fai-

"I said no Emmett, so get over it." Stupid mind-reading vampire thinks he knows everything.

"Edward, what are you saying no to?" Ah ha, if I can get Bella to join forces with me, Eddie is sure to join too!!!!!

"Emmett want to have 'fun' and I'd rather not be a part of it."

"What type of fun?" YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!

"Well you see Bella, I have this fantabulous list that would be oodles of fun to do, so PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!! YOU'LL BE MY FAVORITE SISTER-IN-LAW, PLEASE!"

"Okay, I mean what could go wrong?" HA HA, YOU HEAR THAT EDDIE- BOY, TURNS OUT YOU'LL BE DOING THIS ONE WAY OR THE OTHER!!

"Fine Emmett, I guess if Bella is doing this then I shall too." THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!

"But Nessie can't participate in any of this. In fact, Nessie how would you like to send the week with Jake and Grandpa Charlie?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun, thanks Daddy." TRAITOR, well actually that may be a good thing 'cause if things get ruff then she won't get hurt.

"No problem and Emmett are you actually thinking something intelligent?" I. HAVE. MY. MOMENTS. Oh look at the pretty lights.

"Hey Alice, do you think that you could get Jasper to come along too?"

"Yup, one moment. JAZZY WE ARE HELPING EMMETT! There, he'll help now."

"Thanks sista!" Now my Rosie!

"OMG, Rose you have to help and then I'll help you acquire the most fabulous new wardrobe!" Ah, gotta love them physics.

"Sure, whatever." YES ROSE IS HELPING TOO. BEST DAY EVER!

Now for the rules…

"Emmett, I don't want any of you to break anything in this house. No running around nude. And play nice." Stupid rules… but she has a point for the nudity. I mean if you think about what happened last time…

*FLASHBA-

"EMMETT, NONE OF US EVER WANT TO RELIVE THAT SO NO FLASHBACK!" OK Edward, no flashbacks of that moment in history.

"OK SOOOOOOOOOOOO…

LET THE FUN BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Alice POV

_End vision_

Oh this will be good!

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Edward POV

Oh Alice, how right you are!

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Bella POV

I know that look on Edward! He he, this ought to be good!

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Jasper POV

Oh yes, the events to come must be good for Alice to be this excited!

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Rose POV

This ought to be good or else someone isn't getting any tonight.

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Jake POV

Yay! Time alone with Nessie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Esme POV

Kids will be kids!

=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

OK SOTHAT WAS CHAPTER 2!

Me: WHAT ARE THOSE LISTS THAT ARE BEING TALKED ABOUT, DO YOU GAT ANY IDEA?

Chad: I know! They are –

Me: if you know what's good for you, you will be quite and let the fans figure it out.

Chad: fine

Me: so if you want chapter 3 up within the next week, I suggest that there be a minimum of at least oh I don't know 100 reviews…

Just kidding, I really mean 13 reviews!

Follow the arrows to find out your fate

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Chad: you know that this is pointless

Me: GRRRR! IT ISN'T TO ME SO DEALWITH IT SUICIDAL FREAK

Chad: I AM NOT A SUICIDAL FREAK

Me: SURE AND THE ARROWS POINT TO…

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YAY SO REVIEW OR ELSE CHAD WILL BECOME HOMOCIDAL INSTEAD OF BEING SICIDAL AND…

THE BEST PART…

YOU GET A COOKIE OF ANY KIND!


	3. WE ARE GOING TO

Chad: she owns nothing

Me: do you have to crush all of my dreams?

Chad: yup!!!!!!!!

Me: you're suicidal… I started another story too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: you still own nothing!!

Me: whatever. The new story is called You Don't have to Protect Me Anymore and it is completely different than this story

Chad: what she means to say is that it is actually a story that is somewhat serious!

Me: yup and here is the 3rd chapter of TOO MANY LISTS!

O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o

Emmett POV

Yes! I got everybody aside from Carlisle, Esme, Jacob and Nessie to join in my plans! Now off to Wal-mart! I can't wait to start this list. This shall be the highlight of my immortal life right after meeting Rosalie, or maybe that comes in second? But if this is fun, then I think that this should come in first. Then again, Rosalie is my wife and gives me pleasures almost every night. **(Me feel dirty writing that)** This will probably be really fun though. My brain hurts, I'll think about this later…

What was I thinking about before? Oh well, we are going to Wal-Mart. This will be so much fun!

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Me: short chapter, but I wanted to at least get where they were going out there, plus, I had a tiny case of writer's block about how to continue this chapter

Chad: that wasn't very nice.

Me: I say deal with it…

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I have a question, whose POV would you like the majority of the story to be in? I would like to know because if you would rather Bella, Edward, or any of those other than Emmett, please inform me. I am very sorry that I didn't put Carlisle's POV in the last chapter, but he will come into play with the later chapters!!!!!!!!!!

REVIEW

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OH LOOK THE REVIEW BUTTON, I WONDER WHAT IT DOES?


	4. BARBIE PARTIES IN THE USA

Chad: Do you people love me?

Me: No No No No No No No …

Chad: I was asking everyone else. NOT YOU.

Me: but my vote counts even more than everyone else.

Chad: and why is that

Me: because you are in my imagination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: *sniffle* tell me about it

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Me: I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy; you people love me more than Chad!!!!!!!!! And I got 14 reviews, you guys are overachievers aren't you to be as kind as to give me one extra review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: why don't you give them the next chapter then?

Me: I am and I'll do one better, within the next two days, only because I have A LOT of advanced classes and they chose to give me big projects this week, I will update twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry but I ran out of money, so I was unable to get any form of cookies or stuff to make them… =(

Chad: then let me help you…

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SHE WILL NEVER OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY SONGS POSTED IN TIS CHAPTER AND SHE DID GET COOKIES, BUT ATE THEM ALL…

Me: *tries to hide cookie crumbs on table in front of her* that is not true… okay, but if you review, I give you all a great big PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Emmett POV (nobody answered so I'll stick to this until I get some answers)

As we were driving the most awesome of all songs came on. I just love it, so I started to sing along. I have to admit that I am a _great_ singer.

"_I hopped off the plane at LAX_

_with a dream and my cardigan_

_welcome to the land of fame excess,_

_am I gonna fit in?_

_Jumped in the cab,_

_Here I am for the first time_

_Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign_

_This is all so crazy_

_Everybody seems so famous_

_My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick_

_Too much pressure and I'm nervous,_

_That's when the taxi man turned on the radio_

_and a Jay Z song was on_

_and the Jay Z song was on_

_and the Jay Z song was on_

_CHORUS:_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Get to the club in my taxi cab_

_Everybody's lookin at me now_

_Like "whos that chick, thats rockin' kicks?_

_She gotta be from out of town"_

_So hard with my girls not around me_

_Its definitely not a Nashville party_

_Cause' all I see are stilletos_

_I guess I never got the memo_

_My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick_

_Too much pressure and I'm nervous_

_That's when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune_

_and a Britney song was on_

_and the Britney song was on_

_and the Britney song was on_

_CHORUS:_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Feel like hoppin' on a flight (on a flight)_

_Back to my hometown tonight (town tonight)_

_Something stops me everytime (everytime)_

_The DJ plays my song and I feel alright_

_CHORUS:_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

That was a good song, don't cha think?" WOW I never thought that Edward could look even more murderous than the time I accidentally mistook Bella for Rose… that was a funny time, but I didn't get any for a solid two months. I then learned that Rose will never go brunette. Great, now Eddie-boy is even more murderous. "hey, Eddie-caboodles, could you go easy on the car, I just washed it." Geez, you would think that he hated the song, but that can't be true because everyone loves that song. It can't be my singing due to the fact that I know I can make a room go silent with the amount of talent that I possess.

"Nothing Sir Fluffiluffigus **(ha-ha that's the name I call my dog sometimes, he's soooo fluffy**), also, MY NAME IS EDWARD NOT SOME VARIATION, JUST PLAIN EDWARD. Not everyone loves that song." Grrrr… I hate that nickname. Ever since I bit my mattress too hard and fluffy feathers came out and I couldn't get them out for weeks they feel the need to call me that. And how can someone not love that song?

"Welllllllll, just plain Edward, I believe that you are wrong. MY NAME WILL ALWAYS BE EMMETT, EMMIE, EM, EMMIE-BEAR, THE GREATEST VAMP ON EARTH, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, I AM NEVER TO BE CALLED THAT NAME EVER AGAIN." There, now I will never be called that name ever again. OH MY GOD. WE. ARE. ALMOST. THERE. I cant help it, I squealed like Alice at one of those fantabulous fashion stores. I am so pumped. I am ready to start the list. OMG, another awesome-icale song just started playing, I must sing to this. I hope Alice will see what I am going to ask her and sing in the right places.

(Key: _Emmett will sing_, _**Alice will sing**_)

_**Hiya Barbie  
**__Hi Ken!__**  
You wanna go for a ride?  
**__Sure, Ken!__**  
Jump in!  
**__Ha ha ha ha__****_

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party**_

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation__****_

_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, make your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock 'n' roll, feel the glamor and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky__****_

_You can touch, you can play  
If you say I'm always yours, ooh ooh ooh_

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_****_

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, _ah ah ah, yeah__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh__****_

_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party__****_

_You can touch, you can play  
If you say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
If you say I'm always yours__****_

Come on, Barbie, let's go party_, ah ah ah, yeah__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ah ah ah, yeah__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh__****_

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation__****_

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation__****_

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, b  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, _ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ah ah ah, yeah__**  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **__ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh__****_

_Oh, I'm having so much fun!__**  
Well, Barbie, we're just getting started  
**__Oh, I love you Ken!_

Perfect timing! We made it to Wal-mart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder what will happen?

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Alice POV (just cant resist)

That was so much fun. I can see that my vision will still happen, that just makes it all the more fun. Oops, I let a little evil giggle come out, oh well they al know that something good is going to happen but only me and Edward know that it will be hilarious.

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Me: I am so sorry but I couldn't resist putting in those two songs.

Chad: it's a party in the USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Me: my ears, they burn…

Chad: then why did you put that song in there?

Me: cause I could…

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Review and you get a cookie…

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please tell me what POV you would like the story in to

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Chad: this is still point less

Me: well I don't thi- OH LOOK A ALIEN

Chad: where

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OMG, I WONDER WHAT THIS BUTTON LABELED REVIEW DOES. DOES IT OPEN UP A MAGICAL UNIVERSE? WAIT, I KNOW, MAYBE IT HAS BEES COME THROUGH YOU COMPUTER AND STING YOU. MAYBE IT LETS YOU LEAVE FEEDBACK ON MY FANTABULOUS CHAPTER? CLICK IT TO FIND OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. FIGHT FOR THE DUCKY

Me: HEY PEOPLES!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN??????????????

Chad: why are you screaming?

Me: BECAUSE I GOT SOME MORE REVIEWS AND I AM POSTING THE OVERACHEIVER CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: ok…

Me: I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: why are you keeping them waiting, put in the next chapter?

Me: okayie dookie

Chad: SHE OWNS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**IMPORTANT: THIS CHAPTER MAY NOT BE AS GOOD BECAUSE THE CONTENT LATER WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF ALL DAY AND I REALLY WANTED TO DO IT BUT WAS UNSURE AS TO HOW TO INCORPERATE IT. THE CHAPTERS LATER WILL BE BETTER, BUT THE ORIGINAL IDEA FOR THE PRANK WAS DULL, SO I TRIED TO LIVEN IT UP. **

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Alice POV **(this is for you ****xXAngelGirlXx hope you enjoy!)**

Oh this is gonna be good. I can already see the vision of the future. I will admit it was also just as fun to sing the Barbie girl song with Emmett, he may think that he is a great singer, but the truth is that he is tone death.

"Emmett, what is the first thing on the stupid list?" why oh why does Edward have to ruin everything. I hope you can hear this Mr. Grumpy-pants. He inclines his head in the most natural way but I know that he is really saying that he can hear me.

"Wellllllll, the first thing on the most amazing list ever is to set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals, but that just seems a little dull, don't 'cha think?" That is the first thing on the list, that's pathetic. How in the world could we make it more interesting? Wait… OMG I think I might have the best idea that will make the people at Wal-Mart wish that we never came into the store.

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Emmett POV **(well I never said that it would be a whole chapter of Alice POV, did I?)**

I know that look on Alice's face, she either just had a really good vision, a great idea, or the most amazing fashion trip ever. I'm sort of hoping for the second. I also saw Edward tilt his head in what was supposed to be a natural human thing, but I knew that he was conveying a secret message to Alice, and they say that I don't pay attention. Hey, I wonder why Edward is giving me that look. It's funny.

"Emmett, I just got the most amazing idea to spruce up that little 'prank' of yours. Also, Edward, why are you staring at Emmett as if he is a rare space alien who happens to be your dead mothers dog?" Oh mi gwad. That would be the most awesome dog EVER! But seriously, why is he giving me that look?

"Well, I must inform you that Emmett does in fact have a functional brain. Now Alice, why don't you inform that others about your idea that, and I quote, 'will make the people at Wal-Mart wish that we never came into the store' unquote." That is what she though of her idea, if she thinks that highly of it, then it must be good. But why would me having a brain make Edward give me that strange loo- OMG, that is the cutest puppy I have ever seen, it's so small but can still hold up his giant ears. I wonder if I could get a dog like that. If I bit that dog, but didn't drain all of the blood, will it turn into a vampire that I can have forever and ever?

"Now I am sad to inform you that Emmett just lost the small amount of brain cells that he possessed." Ah, look at it wagging it's cute little ta- wait what does Edward mean by that?

"Okay, so now that we have discussed Emmett's brain, let's move on to the topic of my great idea. I think what we should do is Edward, Bella, Jasper and Rosalie will set all of the alarm clocks to go off at thirty second intervals starting at exactly 9:30 a.m. While they're doing that, Emmett and I will be doing something else. All everyone else need to do is stand by and watch the pretty lights." Wait, what does she need me for? Oh well, either way the clocks will be annoying everyone in the store with their constant ringing.

Alice POV **(I know that I am going back and forth, but I need this here)**

Everything will be perfect. I already saw the outcome and it was hilarious. We wouldn't be blamed, which will be a shame, but we will later. Emmett and I are changing into our outfits, and applying the necessary makeup and face paint. I will be playing the innocent maiden in distress and Emmett the great big soldier who will try to "kill" me. As if that could happen. Actually, like I would tell you what was really going to happen.

"This is so awesome Alice, is it really gonna work?" Oh boy, he has no idea how well it will work. I just had another vision and it turns out that Jasper will help our side instead of the enemy.

"Yes Emmett, it will work better than expected." I really mean that. Shoot, we have about 5 minutes to kill before we have to set out. I better call Jasper and inform him of his change in roll.

"Hello Alice, is something wrong, is Emmett being rude to you?" ah such the pessimist, whatever that is what I love about him. Once I informed him of the plan, he was more than willing to cooperate. He was ready in a matter of seconds. "Are you sure this will work, Alice?" what, does nobody trust my judgment anymore?

"Yes, now it will be perfect. The cue to start will start soon, so I suggest that you take your positions." Only seconds after Emmett and Jasper left for opposite sides of the store the alarm clocks start to ring.

This will most definitely be fun.

Bella POV **(I needed someone who really didn't know what was happening and it can't be Rosalie just because)**

We already finished setting all of the alarm clocks when all of the sudden Edward is laughing like a maniac. I mean what has gotten into him, one moment he was complaining that this was a stupid and ridiculous idea, and now, well A LOT of people are giving us strange looks. Because I was so focused on Edward's laughing, I didn't notice Jasper leave. When I inquired about his whereabouts all Edward told me in between fits of laughter was to wait and watch. He then proceeded to pull me to the front of the store.

I don't know why but when we were setting up the alarms, Edward had also set up a microphone and speakers. The reason why is still a mystery to me.

3…

2…

1… and the alarms have begun with the microphone catching the sound and the speakers so loud that you could hear it throughout the store. Once the clocks have beeped at least ten times Alice comes running down the isles wearing all yellow while shouting, "Don't fight on my behalf, violence is never the answer." Her words didn't make sense until I saw Jasper and Emmett. I must say that it was very interesting to see them both in outfits that were completely cameo and their faces were also cameo. I looked at Edward for some clarification, but all he did was incline his head and tell me to watch. When I looked at Rosalie, I saw that she was more focused with her nails than with the events that were unfolding.

On further inspection I saw that both Emmett and Jasper were having a slap fight, a very sassy one at that. The whole store was quiet except for the alarms and both Jasper and Emmett declaring that the rubber ducky was theirs. I have no idea why they would argue over a rubber ducky when they could simply just buy one for themselves, and I am also curious as to Alice's ensemble. I mean, it wasn't just yellow, but a very bright yellow that made my eyes hurt.

"The ducky is mine, so keep your hands off." I still don't know what they are taking about but all of the sudden a Wal-mart employee screams, "What the hell are you talking about, please break up the fight, and why the HELL are you dressed in all cameo while in a store. If you refuse to be civilized, then you will be removed from the premises." God, the man sounds like a girl when he yells. Meanwhile, Edward had to leave because he couldn't control his laughter. I seriously wonder what will happen.

All of the sudden, Alice began to say that she was in love with some due named Jamie, who upon further inspection is the name of the employee yelling at Emmett and Jasper. Then, Jasper and Emmett begin yelling at the employee because he apparently stole their ducky. So I assume that Alice is the said rubber ducky, but why fight about it? Well, they fought like that until all of the alarms had gone off, then Jasper, Alice and Emmett just stopped. They looked at each other, and then just started walking away in different directions. The Wal-Mart employee just stood there and looked stunned.

"Wow, I never thought that hypnosis would actually work, that was pretty cool." Can you guess who said this? If you're saying my husband who couldn't even control his laughter, then you are right. I now understand the whole thing and begin to laugh along with the other bystanders. Apparently Edward had "hypnotized" them all to act the way they did when the alarms went off and stop when they stopped. The employee was not as happy as the rest of us. If looks could kill, all of the vampires in Wal-Mart excluding Rosalie and myself would be dead. I have to say that it was pretty darn funny. Edward must have felt the need to aggravate the employee named Jamie even more because he continued with an explanation.

"I mean, when I told them to fight over a rubber ducky and for the girl to be the ducky that they were fighting over I thought that it would never work. I also told the girl to exclaim her love to someone wearing a blue vest, and you just happen to be wearing a blue vest. They were informed to start when the alarm clocks started ringing and stop when they stopped. But for that to work…" that just made it even funnier. I mean to see two full grown men dressed in cameo and fighting over a rubber ducky is one thing, but for them to be hypnotized into doing it is another thing entirely.

We were not kicked out of Wal-Mart for that prank, just left with a stern warning never to practice hypnosis in a store. Emmett, Jasper and Alice returned after a few moments dressed in their previous attire. It was then that the one person I never would have expected to speak spoke.

"So what's next on the list?" Can you guess who said that? If you answered Rosalie, then you are 100% correct.

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Me: that may not have been the best chapter, but it was all I could think of and I think that it is pretty funny…

Chad: right (can fell sarcasm coming off of him)

Me: I promise that the next chapter will be soooooooo much better if I can get at least 21 reviews!

Chad: what if they don't review?

Me: they won't get any pie.

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Chad: still pointless

Me: …

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Me: oh my god, look at this shiny green button, I say push it and see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T FORGET TO TELL ME THE POV THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN THE STORY WHEN YOU REVIEW!


	6. FOLLOW THE TOMATO SOUP TRAIL

Me: well you guys aren't overachievers again so I'm only adding one chapter today and the next will be added when I get 27 reviews.

Chad: SHE DOESN'T OWN TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: why must Chad always ruin my dreams? Why cruel world? WHY?

Chad: 'cause I'm the truthful part of your mind

Me: OH NO, I HAVE A SUICIDAL FREAK IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: whatever I'm done correcting you but for the record, I'M NOT A SUICIDAL FREAK.

Me: NOW THAT THAT IS TAKEN CARE IF, LET THE STORY CONTINUE…

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Rosalie POV **(this is for you Rose Everdeen, this will most definitely be interesting)**

Why is everyone looking at me as if I just killed Santa Claus and then burned the ashes right in front of them? **(Don't know why I made that reference but it sounded cool =( **) I mean all I did was make a little insight about the next prank. Do they not think that I found the last prank funny, I mean, who wouldn't find that prank funny. "If you keep your mouths open like that, then you'll start to eat the flies that will just beg to wander in there." Why? Oh why must the beautiful always be surrounded by idiots, I mean Emmett is okay, I mean he satisfies my needs if you know what I mean, but for the rest of them to act this stupid is pathetic. I really wish that Nessie was here so I could spend some "Aunt"-niece time with her, but the moronic father of hers didn't want my Emmy-bear creating a negative influence on her. God that guy can be such a prude sometimes.

"Hey I am not a prude," can you guess who said that. If you guessed Edward then you just won yourself a good amount of nothing. It's sad to think that he was the first to recover, but only because of my thoughts, not my incredible beauty or whatever it is that I said before that made them all stare in shock at me except for Emmett who is just gazing into space like the idiot that I married, but that's what I love about him.

"Rosalie I wouldn't do that if I were you. You don't know how he will react. Do not even think about doing whatever it is that you are going to think about then set in motion." Wow I wonder what that means. If Alice didn't want me to think about something then she shouldn't have said that in the first place. Then this is where my lovable, sexy husband saves the day by saying the next item on the list.

"Rosie, the next thing on the list is to leave a trail of tomato juice or soup, which ever you prefer babe, leading towards the restrooms." Wait one second, I just thought of the best idea that will top the previous prank.

"Hey Bella, you need to participate in a prank, why don't you and jasper help me out?" this will be good.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO, she thought of what I didn't want her to think, the world is going to end as we know it." The physic pixie saw the end of the world just because I had an idea, right, note the sarcasm used.

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Alice POV **(like before, I'm not going to stick to one POV for too long)**

Yes, I knew that if I told Rose not to think what she was bound to think that she would definitely think it and do one of the best pranks of the day. I know that I am a genius, but I believe that Rose might be the second best. I am proud to call her my sister.

"What's happening?" Ah, naïve little Emmett. He has no idea that he is married to a conniving vixen.

"Well Emmett, your wife just came up with an idea. If you would like to see it play out, then I suggest that you make your way to the restrooms." Right, Edward knows about the plan too. He must know that it will most definitely top the previous prank.

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Rosalie POV **(now the fun can begin)**

The stage is set, now all we have to do is wait for Bella to trip and then it will all play out. Right now I am feeling just like Alice, an evil conniving Cullen. This is why I don't play evil pixie all the time.

It is time.

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Renesmee POV **(haven't done her in a while, this is going to be fun to write AND A SPECIAL THANKS FOR THE IDEA GOES OUT TO ****booksfoodandmusic****)**

Spending the day with Jake has been really fun so far. I'm so happy that Daddy allowed me to go. The downfall is that Jake got hungry and there was no food in his house, so we have to go all the way to the store to get some food.

When we entered the nearest store that sold food, I really had to go to the bathroom, so Jake and me started to head in that direction. When we were about halfway to the bathrooms we saw a trail of what appeared to be blood, but was really tomato soup. I wonder how that got there.

As we continued towards the bathrooms, I noticed that the soup was heading in the same direction, weird. This is when we saw why it was there. What we saw was my family minus Auntie Rose, Uncle Jasper and my Mommy. We walked over to Alice for an explanation.

"Auntie Alice, why are you here? Do you know why there is a trail of tomato soup all the way to the restrooms?" If anyone would know, it would be her.

"Shit," Auntie Alice muttered, but unfortunately with my almost vampire hearing, I heard her as if she said it out loud, "um, if you watch you'll see why." That sounded like the Auntie that I love. Luckily Daddy was further down the isle and we were all blocking our thoughts, so he didn't see or hear us, or else we would have to leave and I really wanted to know what all the soup as for.

This is right when Mommy slipped in the trail of tomato soup and called for a sale's personal. She complained about the "blood" that was in the way.

"Sir, I really hate to inform you, but it appears that there is a trail of blood throughout your store. I also hate to tell you that I slipped in said trail. Could you please do something about it, and while you're at it, get me new clothes." Wow, I never heard Mommy talk like that, that sounds more like Auntie Rose.

"OMG," it was a teenager sale's clerk that was talking to Mommy, "I am so sorry. Let me find where it ends, then I will have someone start cleaning it up. You can also take a change of clothes right off the rack and change into them." **(I know that they really wouldn't do that in real life, but this is why it is called fiction.) **That person was really nice to Mommy. They started to follow the trail of soup all the way to the bathroom. The nice lady called on her walkie-talkie to someone. "Hey Chad, I need a clean-up near the restrooms." **(Can't have a story without Chad)**

When the janitor came they opened the door to the ladies bathroom so he could start cleaning at the entrance, but there was even more "blood" inside the restroom. This is where Jasper came into play. "OMG, Can't you give a guy some privacy. I mean it is my time of month and I forgot to put a tampon on this morning and just had to wear my skirt. I mean seriously, I am sorry about the mess I made, but I am sort of busy right now trying to get this machine to give me my tampon. Why won't it work?" the worst part, as he was saying this, he was wearing a skirt and you could clearly see that he was a man, not a woman.

Now the nice clerk is trying to talk some sense into Uncle Jasper. "Sir, you do realize that that is a changing table that mother's can use to change the diapers of their infants. Do you also realize that this is a ladies room, you are not a lady, and therefore never have a, erm, time of month?"

"What, the doctor's have lied to me all of these years? Seriously, do you expect me to believe that? I mean, if I weren't a woman, wouldn't I have a-**" **at this point, the lady cut Uncle Jasper off.

"Sir, I don't know what the doctor's have told you, but there are children present and you are in fact a man." Shoot, Daddy's going to be mad.

"I am so sorry miss; I have been looking for my brother everywhere. I hope that he didn't cause you any trouble." Now Auntie Rose comes in, maybe she can distract Daddy while I make my escape once we see what happens to Uncle Jasper.

"Ma'am, do you know this fellow?"

"Yes I do. He is my brother." This was directed to the sales lady. "Now Jasmine, we need to go to your appointment. Here you can have my spare tampon. I know that it is your time of month and figured that you would forget." What is up with Auntie Rose? "I am so sorry miss. My brother has a rare condition in which he confuses his gender on occasion. I will remove him from the store at once."

"Why the hell are you handing me a tampon Rose. I am a guy not a girl, and I refuse to help you put it on, gross. Wait, why am I in a skirt? What the hell is going on?" Looks like Auntie Jasmine is now Uncle Jasper again.

"Come on Jazz, let's go home and have something to eat," Auntie Rose said.

"Like totally. As long as the something to eat is low fat, you know that I am trying to watch my girlish figure." Well now I have an Aunt Jasmine again.

"Whatever you want Jazz. Whatever you want." With that both Rose and Jasper left the area that we were all in.

The sales clerk left and the janitor began cleaning up the mess. Once the janitor was out of hearing range, we all started to crack up. Jasper and Rose both returned and we laughed even harder because Jasper was still in the skirt. When he realized this he left again.

"Why did you guys do that?" shoot, I didn't want to leave this soon, but now Daddy has no distraction to distract him while we watch whatever it is that they are doing.

"Why we were ju-" and that is where Daddy cut in.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, what are you doing here?" Dang, you could tell that he was mad without even looking.

"Funny story, well you see…"

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Me: now that was funny.

Chad: yes, yes it was.

Me: hey people's in your reviews, I would really like it if you could tell me all of the awesome creatures that you are going to be for Halloween. I would also like 29 reviews for the next chapter.

Chad: I know what I am going to be

Me: what. Wait let me guess, a suicidal freak?

Chad: why yes, yes I- wait no I am going to be a vampire.

Me: RIGHT (notice sarcasm)

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Chad: way to pointless to even complain

Me: you just did

Chad: no I didn't

Me: …

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Me: OMG, THIS IS THE COOLEST BUTTON EVER! PRESS IT AND YOU CAN LEAVE A COMMENT THAT WILL GET ME TO WRITE A NEW CHAPTER! BUT ALASS THAT WILL ONLY HAPPEN IF I GET 29 REVIEWS SO CLICK THE BUTTON!

JUST CLICK IT!


	7. CARL'S LIFE IS IN THE TOILET

Me: I AM SO SORRY, IN THE LAST CHAPTER I SAID IN THE FIRST LINE THAT IF I GOT 27 REVIEWS THEN I WOULD UPDATE, BUT THEN I SAID THAT I WOULD UPDATE WHEN I GOT 29 REVIEWS…

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SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DECIDED THAT I WOULD UPDATE WHEN I GOT 28 REVIEWS, WHICH IS THE EXACT AMOUNT OF REVIEWS THAT I HAVE.

Chad: why to be mean to the reviewers

Me: it was an accident suicidal freak

Chad: I am not a suicidal freak and SHE OWNS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: WHY ARE YOU SOOOOOO HURTFUL CHAD? WHY? (HAS DRAMATIC MOMENT)

Chad: …

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Alice POV

_END VISION_

NO, EDWARD YOU HAVE TO LET THEM STAY AT LEAST FOR THE NEXT PRANK, IF TTHEY STAY, IT WILL BE TEN TIMES FUNNIER THAN WHATEVER WE COULD COME UP WITH. God I hope he heard me.

"Nessie, although I don't approve of you being here or witnessing that last prank, I will allow you to stay one more prank only. You can thank your Aunt Alice now because if it weren't for her you would be going home right now." Thank you Edward and you won't regret this decision. I promise.

"Thank you Auntie Alice soooooooooooooooo much." Thanks for crediting me Edward, I thought that you would take all of the credit, but you do have a heart.

Jake POV **(haven't done the wolf in a while so I thought that I would include him)**

"Well now that Nessie and me can stay for a while longer, what is the next prank?" I don't even want to know what the last one was supposed to be. I get shivers from just thinking about it.

"Let's see. The next item on the list is to walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares'... and see what happens. That sounds dull, how are we going to spruce this one up?" Geez Emmett, you don't think. What does code three in house wares mean anyway?

"If I am correct a code three in house wares is a missing child code."**(I know that it is cause I checked)** Well the mind-reader can be useful. Why does Nessie have that evil grin on her face? Oh this ought to be good.

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Nessie POV

OH. MY. GOD. I just had the most brilliant idea ever.

"Hey Daddy, can you please help me with this prank. I know that you know what the prank will be and I know that you think it is funny because you are smiling and I really need your help. Please," and with that last plea and my infamous puppy dog pout I knew that he would cave. It was all a matter of when.

"Sure thing Sweetie. Why doesn't everyone else go wait somewhere while me and Nessie discuss the plan." With that everyone else left. "Now sweetie, this is a very good plan you have and I have a suggestion to make it even better." Now once we discussed the suggestion that Daddy made and finalized our plans, we were finally ready. This will be fun!

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Jasper POV **(haven't done him in a while) **

I could sense all of the conniving feelings coming from Edward and Nessie from halfway across the store. What the hell are they up too?!

"Hey guys, you ready?" And Edward has arrived. I wonder where Nessie is. I mean is she the one who is going to do the prank, and why do I feel exuberant all of the sudden? Then we all saw Nessie come into the area and walk up to an employee.

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Random Wal-mart Worker, you know what let's call him Carl POV **(I know that the previous POV was really short, but I really didn't know what to do and I sorta just felt like putting that in there)**

"Hey Carl, how's it going?" Well let's see. I work for minimum wage at freaking Wal-Mart. I am a 40 year old virgin **(haha I made a movie reference haha)** and I live with my mother. Do you think it is going good, 'cause I sure as hell think that my life sucks.

"It's going great, what about you Curley? How's the Misses?" Yeah how is his wife who feels the need to come on to everybody she meets EXCEPT for me? I really hate my life.

"It's all good. Marie's fine. We just found out yesterday that she's expecting. Well I have to go, have a nice day." Nice day my ass. I wonder if it's his kid. I highly doubt that. Oh great, there's a little girl walking my way. Let's hope she doesn't talk to me.

"Um sir, I really hate to disturb you," yeah right, little kids like you just love to make overworking employee's work even harder for some small excuse of a paycheck. "I really hate to inform you but there is a code three in house wares," damn she is still talki- wait did she say a code three? Shit.

"Hold on a second sweetie," while telling her that I pulled out my trusty walkie talkie that they provided us with. "Hey Carl, we have a code three in house wares, I repeat a code three in house wares." God, I wonder if the child missing is this little girl's sister or brother. I really hope we find him/her.

"Holy mother of pearl, what's the name of the kid missing?" You can always trust Carl to try and not curse at any chance.

"Yeah one sec', hey little girl, what is the name of your brother or sister?" when I asked her that she got this dumbfounded look on her face.

"I'm an only child. I don't have any siblings. Why do you ask?" What is up with this girl? First she says that there is a code three in house wares and now she says that she doesn't have any brothers or sisters, who else could be missing?

"Then why did you issue a Code Three?" I mean seriously, if this is a prank, then I am going to be very, very, very angry. I mean to have to deal with all of my problems and this little girl tricking me that would just make my life even worse. "I mean who else could be missing that you need found?"

"Sir, that's the problem, I am missing and I can't find my Mommy and Daddy and I'm scared." She didn't look scared before. Crap, she looks like she is going to cry. This day just gets better and better. I mean what else could go wrong, actually don't answer that.

"Hey Carl, I'm sorry about before, it isn't a code three, it's a found child not a missing one. We just need to find her family." I bet you everyone will make fun of me for mixing up a found and missing child. I hate my life.

"Sweetie, if you tell me your name, then I'll be able to help you find your family." Let's play Mr. Nice Guy for today and only today.

"Mommy told me not to talk to strangers, and you are a stranger." I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice. Just keep repeating this and it will become true. I will be nice. I will be nice.

"But you already talked to me, so I don't see the harm in telling me your name." I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice.

"But Mommy said and I quote, 'Never talk to a stranger or give them your name, they might try to take you away from me and we wouldn't want that, now would we' and I always listen to my Mommy." I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be nice. I will be – ah screw it. I am having a bad day and I just can't deal with this crap.

"Listen kid, I don't care what the hell your 'Mommy' told you, but if you don't tell me your name then you will never see your Mommy again. So just tell me your god damn name." Like I said, screw being nice. I have had it with this little pipsqueak.

"Excuse me Sir; are you talking to my daughter?" Oh shit, I really hope he is really old and can't throw a punch. When I turned around, I saw the dreamiest guy in the universe. I am talking drop dead gorgeous. I want to lick his – what the hell am I thinking, ah well, I don't care as long as it's about tall, pale, and bronze over there, I'm up for anything. Shit, if he said daughter, then that must mean he is taken. Damn, why are all of the hunky guys taken. Maybe he is divorced. Damn, that is one hot body.

"Daddy, the mean man said that I would never see Mommy again if I don't tell him my name. He also said the word 'hell'. Daddy, what does 'hell' mean?" Oh crap, well there goes my shot at that piece of candy. He probably wouldn't give me a chance when he learns that I apparently taught his daughter a bad word. Well, at least I can still dream.

"Is that so? Well Mr. Carl, I will be informing your manager about this and I would suggest that you start to find a new job." Well, this job was a piece of crap anyway; it was worth it to be able to see him. "Honey, I don't know what 'hell' means, I'm sorry. Don't worry about Mommy, she is waiting over by the candy isle and you will see her in about 5 minutes." Like I said, all the good ones are taken.

Man, my life sucks

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Jasper POV **(fell like he should be mentioned more)**

"… and his last thoughts were 'Man, my life sucks.' I have to tell you Nessie, but you really know how to pick the weird ones." With that Edward finished his story of what the salesperson was thinking throughout this prank. I knew what he was feeling, and I almost attacked Edward myself with the amount of lust coming off of him. That would have been scary.

"Well now Nessie, we don't want your Dad to get mad at us so let's get the food and go home?" Right now everyone was laughing hysterically **(I stink at spelling) **so I would be surprised if Nessie heard him.

"Sure thing, bye everyone, it was fun tricking that person." Everyone seemed to calm down once Nessie and Jake had gotten and paid for food, and they were heading towards the door.

"So what is next on the list, Emmett?" What can I say, this is really fun, and it's a long list.

"Let me see…"

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Me: that was funny, but probably not as funny as I hoped because I had to try and make it appropriate for Nessie, but I loved writing Carl's POV

Chad: I never want to meet Carl

Me: peoples if I get 35 reviews then I will update again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: whatever

Me: …

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I STILL WANT TO KNOW HALLOWEEN COSTUMES…

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Chad: NOT EVEN WORTH IT

Me: WHY YES, YES IT IS WORTH IT

Chad: NO IT ISNT

Me: …

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OH MAH GWAD! THIS IS THE MOST FANTABULOUS BUTTON EVA.

YOU JUST HAVE TO PUSH IT TO FIND OUT HOE AWESOMICALE IT IS.

IF YOU DO THEN YOU GET A CUPCAKE!


	8. I NEED TO HAVE THESE M&M'S

Me: ok I am done with setting up a number of reviews for each chapter, so from now on I am going to try and update at least once a week!

Chad: why give up such a good system? (Please note Chad's heavy sarcasm)

Me: cause I feel like it.

Chad: that really doesn't answer my question, but whatever.

Me: also with every 5 pranks I will post the pranks that have been done in case any people want to annoy the people at Wal-Mart

Chad: can I annoy the people at Wal-Mart?

Me: sad to say that because you are my imaginary suicidal friend, the only person who you can annoy is me.

Chad: are you annoyed yet

Me: very, also I am soooooooooooo happy, I gots to speak to the little peoples today, it was fun

Chad: whatever, and to annoy you further, PHANTOMS CRAZY SHADOW 13 OWNS NO TWILIGHT OR ETC.

Me: why to crush a person's hopes and dreams…

… Here is the next chapter that I DO own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Eddie-boy's POV **(I just cant say that his name is Edwar- see I cant say it, plus Eddie-boy suits him better)**

What Alice never mentioned to everyone else is that Carl is going home and telling his mother about the hottest "chick" ever that he met today, who from his description sounds like a female version of me. Can you people say creepy?

"So what is next on the list, Emmett?" Wow, never thought that Jasper would get into this, but with all of the excitement going around it must be rubbing off on him. Anyways, I don't think that anyone will be as surprised as they were when Rosalie wanted to know what was next.

"Let me see, the next thing is to 'Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away' but that sounds so boring. Anyone have any ideas on how to make this one better?" That one is pathetic. I mean just putting one single bag of M&M's on layaway, it would be better if we got a lot of people to do that. That might not be that best idea, but based on the thoughts around me, it appears to be the only one.

_How the hell are we supposed to make this one funny? I mean just to put some candy on layaway, what kind of prank is that? _– thoughts admitting from Rosalie.

_I wonder what we should do- OMG are those the new Malibu Beach Bunny Barbie's. They aren't supposed to be out for another week. Oh My Carizzle! _– I never want to hear Emmett's thoughts again.

_Why is Emmett feeling astonished and beyond excited all of the sudden? I mean all we are doing is trying to think up some cool twist to the prank? Maybe he came up with something good, but this is Emmett we are talking about so I doubt it. _– Ah Jasper, you never want to know the true meaning behind Emmett's emotions.

………………… - I really wish that my Bella would leave her shield down all day long.

_Edward I think that you are on to something, but I have a better idea and it will be funnier. I saw the outcome for your idea, it was funny, but when I saw mine, well let's say we would be wetting our pants if we could. _– OMC, not Carizzle like Emmett but Carlisle. I have to admit that my idea would have been funny, but Alice's is just twisted and extremely funny.

"Hey Emmett, I need you help." That little pixie will be the one to get us kicked out.

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Layaway lady's POV, you know what let's call her Tammie **(wah-hoo, I get to write another part in an unknown character's POV, I am so excited, she will be better than Carl, also, if you would rather that I didn't put in random Wal-Mart worker's POV, then please review and tell me)**

Today is the most wonderful day of my life. I finally was able to get a real job and quit this crappy one. I wish I could celebrate, but alas I must work until 4:00 o'clock in the afternoon. Just 10 more minutes than I have to hurry out of here so I can make it to my new job on time. I was told that if I was late, well the job would go to the next most qualified person. I cannot be late, but how can I when I have been having the most wonderful day ever.

Crap, one last person is coming over here. I really hope that he can make it quick and snappy. What item is he putting on layaway anyway, I mean normally when people come to put stuff here, the come in with a cart full of stuff. Great, I wonder what he wants.

"Hello, Miss Tammie, my Mommy told me to put this on layaway, so could you please do it?" God, this man is old enough ton live on his own, why is he still referring to his mother as Mommy and why did he just put a package of M&M's on my desk? I mean, it's a perishable food item, and costs like only $2.00. Seriously, is this guy trying to punk me on my last day of work at this stupid store?

"Um, sir, you do realize that you placed a package of M&M's on my table, right?" What is up with this dude? When I looked at him better, I see that he is dressed in all kids' clothes, but surly he is at least 20 or something?

"I don't know who 'Sir' is, but I just placed those M&M's on the counter because my Mommy always told me that if I really wanted something, then I had to pay for it. I really wanted these M&M's so I asked my Mommy what to do if I really wanted something but couldn't afford it. She told me to put it on Layaway and maybe next time we came here, I might have enough money to buy it." Is this man for real? I mean, if he is 20 then wouldn't he have enough money to buy a measly bag of M&M's, and wouldn't he know that you can't put food on layaway?

"You do realize that food cannot be put on layaway, don't you," I really didn't want him asking who sir was so I avoided using that term. "M&M's are a perishable food, and if you put them on layaway, then they will go bad. Plus, the store always has M&M's in stock, so there is no need to put a bag on layaway." Damn, I have only 2 minutes to get rid of this guy. He looks like he is going to say something, crap. God, if you love me, then please make this idiot shut up and leave me alone.

"BUT IT HAS TO BE THIS BAG OF M&M'S. THIS IS THE LAST BAG THAT HAS THE CONTEST THAT WILL LET YOU WIN $1,000,000 AND IF I WIN THAT, THEN I WILL BE ABLE TO AFFORD ANYTHING I WANT. I WILL NOT SHUT UP OR LEAVE UNTIL I HAVE THIS BAG OF M&M'S PLACED ON LAYAWAY. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?" Boy, this man had a set of lungs.

I have had it with this kid. I only have 1 minute left of working in this place and he is ruining it. Also if he doesn't stop soon, I will not get the new job and thus having to work at this crappy place for another few years. I believe that it is time to make this kid leave, NO MATTER WHAT.

"HEY LISTEN BRAT-

"Carthy, my name is Carthy." **(Haha I made another pun cause Emmett's first last name was McCarthy and I took off the Mc… haha) **What is it with this boy? I mean first he starts screaming at me because I refused to put his bag of M&M's on layaway, and then he calms down while correcting me while I called him a brat. Whatever, he is still going to leave, NO MATTER WHAT.

"I DON'T CARE WHETHER YOUR NAME IS TIMMY TWO SHOES OR SCAR, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE AND BUT A DIFFERENT BAG OF M&M'S THE NEXT TIME YOU COME HERE. IF YOU READ THE FINE PRINT ALSO, IT SAYS THAT NO PURCHASE IS NECCASARY SO YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BUY THE FREAKING BAG OF M&M'S. IF YOU REALLY WONT LEAVE THEN I PUT THE DAMN BAG ON LAYAWAY WITH A STICKY NOTE SAYING THAT IT IS FOR CARTHY AND I THINK THAT EVERYONE WILL BE WELL INFORMED AS TO WHO YOU ARE. SO SHUT THE HELL UP, LEAVE ME ALONE, AND HAVE A FREAKING NICE DAY. I HOPE THAT YOU DROWN IN ALL THE THOUGHTS THAT I AM THINKING RIGHT NOW." I AM PISSED. There I told that kid off, now I doubt that he will show up again. Finally 4:00 has arrived. "LATER CARTHY, I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU HAVE THE WORST DAY EVER." Then, with that I took my leave, only to run into a wall that wasn't a wall. Shit.

"May I ask what that was about?" Oh shit, when a manager asks you that question you know that you are going to his office.

"Um, I was trying to leave seeing as my shift is over, but this man will not leave me alone. Sir I would love to stay and talk, but I do have to be somewhere and need to leave now or I will be late." Haha, the managers are such pushovers that if I tell them that they will talk to me tomorrow when I wont even be here. Suckers.

"I am sorry but I am sure whoever they are will understand. Right now me and you will have a little talk in my office." Oh shit. What to do, what to do? Oh I know, make a break for it.

All of the sudden, the manager was holding my arm and pulling me away. No, I lost my one and only chance to escape this hell hole. Why cruel god, why do you hate me so?

"Sorry about the manhandling, but I had a feeling that you would try and make a break for it and we didn't even get a chance to have our little chat." I will kill that man who thinks he is a kid. He will pay. With that thought in mind I was pulled all the way to the manager's office where I was given a long and boring lecture and then told that I was fired. Great, just great, now my awesome day just turned into the worst one in my life. My life sucks at this moment right now.

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Bella's POV **(since I had Eddie-boy's POV before, I thought that I would includes Bella's POV too)**

That was interesting. I always knew that Emmett was a kid at heart. It was also funny because we were the ones to tell the manager and make sure that he talked to her for a while.

"Hey Alice, what is next on this list?"Right now, I think even my Edward is thinking that.

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Me: and that was chapter… hey what chapter are we on anyway?

Chad: well, I believe that we are on chapter 8

Me: thanks suicidal freak, and that was chapter 8

Chad: I am not a suicidal freak.

Me: whatever, I will try to get the next chapter out tomorrow as a Halloween treat, but I haven't even started it, so I may not be able to do that…

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Chad: I am not even going to go there

Me: but you already did

Chad: no I didn't

Me: when you deny it, it only makes the statement more true…

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ME: OH MY CARIZZLE! IT'S THE MAGICAL REVIEW BUTTON THE WILL ALLOW YOU TO LEAVE COMMENTS ON MY WORK. OMC, OMC, OMC, OMC, OMC, I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! OMC, YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO PRESS IT BECAUSE IT IS MAGICAL!!!! AND DID I SAY OMC YET?


	9. SKIP PARTY LEAVE ME ALONE

Me: I own Twilight

Chad: no, you don't, all you own is me

Me: it's sad to say, but he is right, the only thing I own is Chad and all the random Wal-Mart employees.

Chad: told you so

Me: … let the chapter commence

Bella POV

"Well in my opinion, I think that we should just skip the next one because there is no way to make it funny. And if you really want to know the next one was to move a caution wet floor sign to a carpeted area, but the problem is there are no wet floor signs placed in the store. But the next one we are going to do is set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. That one its own will be funny." I agree with Alice, the first one just doesn't sound funny.

"So who is going to be in the tent?" Wow, I never thought that Edward would ask that.

"Well, I think that Rosalie and you should hide in there." Wait, why does Edward have to be in the tent with Rose, why cant it be me?

"Bella, before you ask, the only reason Rose and Edward are going in there is because they are the ones that most people think of as the most beautiful or handsome, in Edward's case. Also, if I put either you or Emmett in there, well I am not going to go there because I think you catch my drift." I did and I know that with Edward, he would never think about doing anything with Rosalie.

"Emmett, I need you to set up the tent. If you want Jazz will help you. Edward, Rose, I need the two of you to change into these," with that she gave Edward and Rosalie each a pair of pj's and a wig. "While all of you do that me and Bella are going to do another prank, and don't worry, all of you will see, or at least hear." Then I was whisked away by the little pixie and brought to the electronics section which just happened to be located near the camping department and the bathrooms that Rose and Edward were occupying.

"Alice, what are we doing?"

"Oh we aren't doing anything. You on the other hand, you are going to do the next item on the list. Bella, your task which no matter what you will accept, is that when an employee asks if you need help, shout 'why cant you people just leave me alone' or something like that. So, let's get this over with." That doesn't sound too ba- wait, I have to scream it. Why do I have to do this prank anyway? Why couldn't I help Emmett with the tent and let Jazz do this prank. Whatever, there is no use in arguing with Alice.

So instead of protesting, I just pretended to look at the movies that they had on display.

Alice POV

I left Bella near the movies and went to find a Wal-Mart employee. I found the perfect employee for the prank.

"Excuse me sir, I was walking past the DVD section and noticed this girl that looked like she needed help." That should work as an excuse to get him to approach Bella.

"Thank you for your concern, I will try to help this customer that you were talking about." That was too easy, like stealing candy from a baby.

Bella POV **(again)**

As I was looking at random movies, an employee approached me.

"Excuse me Miss, do you need any help?" well, I guess it's show time.

"WHY CANT YOU PEOPLE LEVE ME ALONE. ALL I CAME HERE TO DO WAS BUY A MOVIE AND ESCAPE THE QUESTIONS, AND WHAT HAPPENS, SOME INCONSIDERATE EMPLOYEE COMES UP TO ME, CHECKS ME OUT," when I said that he actually checked me out. Can we say creepy, "AND ASKS ME A QUESTION. I AM SORRY KID, BUT I DO **NOT **NEED HELP, I AM MARRIED, AND I WILL NEVER COME TO THIS STORE AGAIN." With that I walked away and Edward ran past me. Shit, I really hope he didn't kill this kid.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING CHECKING OUT MY WIFE? SHE IS MINE AND NOBODY ELSE CAN HAVE HER, SO GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND FIND YOUR OWN GIRL," it made it even funnier that Edward was only in a pair of boxers while he said this. The Wal-Mart employee just stared open mouthed as Edward walked over to me and we walked back to the bathroom that he was changing in.

Even though that was weird, I have to admit that it was funny.

_20 minutes later_

We were done with the pranks for the day and returning home. Edward and Rosalie managed to get 47 people to get pillows before they left the tent. All 47 of those people ended up getting banned from Wal-Mart for 5 weeks. We figured that it was time to leave for the day and decided to come back tomorrow and hopefully get more pranks done.

Me: short, but I think that it is funny

Chad: here are the first 7 pranks that were done (or not done like number 5) in TOO MANY LISTS:

1.) Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2.) Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3.) Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in house wares"... and see what happens.

4.) Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5.) Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6.) Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7.) When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

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I get the credit for posting them so haha phantom

Me: whatever, it was my idea…

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I would still appreciate reviews for this story…

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**Chad: why do you even bother?**

**Me: cause it's fun…**

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**Me: cool button, I think that everyone who reads this story should press it, I say press it people**


	10. CARIZZLE NEEDS TO PARTY WITH BIG KIDS

Me: I know that I haven't updated in forever, but I had a lot of projects that needed to be done and I temporary writer's block, but I will try and update three times this week so that there is one for last week that I missed, one for this week, and one as a bonus!

Chad: that makes sense.

Me: okay I know that the last chapter really wasn't that great but I will try and make up for that in this chapter…

Chad: we'll see

Me: OMG, my dreams are still intact

Chad: oh I almost forgot, you don't own Twilight…

Me: and there go my dreams for the future.

Chad: OMG is it a bird, is it a plane, nope it's your dreams flying away

Me: that was just mean…

…

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Before Chad can crush my dream of becoming a werewolf I will commence with the story.

Carlisle POV **(lol haven't had a look at the doc's mind in a while)**

What are those kids doing that has them so worked up? I mean this is natural for Emmett, but not even Edward acts like this. And why in the world does Rosalie look like she just got out of bed? Well it is possible with Emmett in the house. But seriously, EDWARD?!

"Hey, I resent that. I can be fun like Emmett. Well not like Emmett, god only knows that we need another Emmett running around the house." I actually wonder about Emmett's sanity sometimes. **(I find this ironic because of my pen name)** "So do I Carlisle, so do I." I also worry about Alice's sanity because she looks like she will die laughing right now.

"Carlisle, you are coming with us tomorrow, and don't try to argue because I already saw that no matter what happens you will come with us. Now I want everyone to have some fun tonight and be ready to head back tomorrow, am I understood?" I don't know why Alice wants me to o with them, but I'm off from work and have nothing better to do. What's the worst that could happen?

Me: I was going to stop there, but I thought about how mad I would be if someone left on a cliffy like that and decided to give you people's at least one prank.

_The morning __**(I know that that is a bad transition, but it is the best I could think of)**_

Carlisle POV

At 9:00 on the dot, Alice barged into my study and told me to come. I know not to mess with Alice, so I immediately followed. I was led to Emmett's jeep and told to get in. I was very curious at the moment, but decided to keep my mouth shut and see what happens. As it seems, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Bella and me were riding in the jeep, while Edward and Alice took the Volvo.

The most ridiculous song came on and to my displeasure, Emmett began to sing along.

"_I hopped off the plane at LAX_

_with a dream and my cardigan_

_welcome to the land of fame excess,_

_am I gonna fit in?_

_Jumped in the cab,_

_Here I am for the first time_

_Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign_

_This is all so crazy_

_Everybody seems so famous_

_My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick_

_Too much pressure and I'm nervous,_

_That's when the taxi man turned on the radio_

_and a Jay Z song was on_

_and the Jay Z song was on_

_and the Jay Z song was on_

_CHORUS:_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Get to the club in my taxi cab_

_Everybody's lookin at me now_

_Like "whos that chick, thats rockin' kicks?_

_She gotta be from out of town"_

_So hard with my girls not around me_

_Its definitely not a Nashville party_

_Cause' all I see are stilletos_

_I guess I never got the memo_

_My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick_

_Too much pressure and I'm nervous_

_That's when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune_

_and a Britney song was on_

_and the Britney song was on_

_and the Britney song was on_

_CHORUS:_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Feel like hoppin' on a flight (on a flight)_

_Back to my hometown tonight (town tonight)_

_Something stops me everytime (everytime)_

_The DJ plays my song and I feel alright_

_CHORUS:_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterflys fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yea_

_Movin my hips like yea_

_I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know im gonna be ok_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

_Yea, It's a party in the USA_

"Well wasn't that a fun song? It was even better with my awesome singing skills, right Carlisle?" I really hate Emmett right now.

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Emmett POV

Wow, when I said that last comment, Carlisle looked like he wished he never saved me. The last time he gave me that look was when I mistook Esme for my sweet, delicious Rosie. I mean, how was I supposed to know that Rose would never turn her hair into the pretty color that Esme's is? I learned that time that Rose was never going to dye her hair, not black like Alice's, not brunette like Bella, and definitely not any other color. Ha-ha that was some good times. The sad part was that I didn't get any for at least a solid three months.

"Yo, Carizzle, you may not realize this, but I would appreciate it if you would refrain from breaking my car. I already had this discussion with Edward, and I really don't want to have the same conversation twice." When I said the statement, everyone aside from Rose stared at me. What was up with that? I mean, the only thing that I did different was say some big words, is it really hard for them to believe that I know big words? Ha, thanks to the late night lessons from my sweet vixen of a wife, I learneded all kinds of big words. That's not the only thing I learned either if you know what I mean. **(I felt dirty writing that)**

"Okay, now that we all know that Emmett's speech has improved, we're here." OMC and I really mean Oh my Carizzle, we are here, we are here. Thank the lord, we are here and Carlisle is going to help us. OMC- wait, what did Alice mean that my speech had improved, what does that mean. I know, I'll ask Rose in our late night "study session." **(I still feel dirty and even more so after writing that)**

Me: the next chapter will come out in a day or so

Chad: that sounds like a plan

Me: …

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Chad: Is this really necessary?

Me: why yes, yes it is…

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Me: like, OMG, it's a magical button, like, that is so, like, awesome…

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I just did a really good Lauren Malory impression, I think that entitles me to some reviews…


	11. CARLISLE IS GOING TO DO WHAT WITH EDWARD

Me: here is the Chapter that is this week's update…

Chad: how'd you figure that out?...

Me: well I just updated one day this week and my dreams haven't been crushed for the 11th time yet…

Chad: then we have to fix that…

Me: what do you mean?

Chad: this…

Phantom will never own Twilight and will never become a werewolf

Me: *Sniffles from crying at crushed dreams* that's not true… well the Twilight part is, but I will be able to shape-shift in the future…

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Before Chad ruins any of my other dreams, here is Chapter 11

Carlisle POV

Finally, we reached where ever it was that we were going. I can finally get out of this god forsaken car. Where are we anyway? When I looked around, I found myself in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Why in the world were we in a parking lot? Somewhere I get the feeling that Emmett started this all.

"You're right Carlisle, it was Emmett's fault, but we all are contributing, even Nessie and Jake helped out yesterday." Wait, Emmett got Edward to help him with something that has to be a miracle. Wait, what am I saying? If they managed to get Edward to help them, then that must mean that they have enlisted me in their strange Wal-Mart fetish. I am doomed. "Carlisle, there is no need to be negative. It isn't that bad." Curse you mind reader, I say curse you.

"So, Carlisle, your task, if you should choose to accept it is that while you are handling guns in the hunting department, you must ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. So, the question now is do you accept it?" I really never figured that Emmett would learn some big words, but I guess he does have a brain after all, who knew.

"Unfortunately, I did, and you never want to know what he thinks about, even I don't want to. But alas, it is out of my control." Like I said before, curse you mind reader, I say curse you.

"I really don't think th-," I said before being cut off by a hyperactive pixie. Curse them too, I say curse you.

"He WILL complete the task, but can I help him out Em?" I don't know why Alice wants to help out, but I sure as he** wont participate in this foolish endeavor. I have much better things to do, like finding the cure to cancer. Or better yet, World Hunger. "Carlisle, there is no denying this, I already saw you cave, why try and put it off any longer, the sooner you finish this, the sooner you can go find the cure to World Hunger." Well, the pixie has a point, the sooner I get this over with; the sooner I can leave. But as I said before, and I will say it again, curse you pixie, I say curse you.

"Fine, but I will only help if I can leave right after this, and Edward has to help me instead." Mind-reader didn't see that coming from his expression. I still say that he should be cursed, but this is almost as good.

"But, why do I ha-" and mind reader was denied speech for the moment.

"Edward, you will help Carlisle complete this task, as says the GREATEST, MOST INVINCIBLE, COOLEST, MOST AWESOME, HANDOME, INTELLIGENT, COURA-" Finally, someone shut Emmett up.

"Fine, I'll do it, if only for you to stop speaking Emmett."

"Okay." That sounds like the Emmett we all know.

"So how are we doing this?" I regretted asking that as soon as I saw all of their faces. This will be one long day.

Me: I think I will stop there…

Chad: way to end on a cliffy

Me: I felt like it…

Chad: why are you putting … after everything that you say?

Me: 'cause…

Chad: there it is again

Me:…

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Chad: this is always pointless, why do you even bother?

Me: because I can…

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Me: I, like, think that the button does something, like, cool, but I really don't, like, know, like, click it and, like, fine, like, out!...

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Another good Lauren impression, I think that I deserve some reviews…

… I hope you people have a good night and REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	12. MR WONDERFUL IS TOO SEXY?

Me: bonus chapter is a go! *darts around like a spy*  
Chad: you are neither a ninja nor a spy, so stop trying to act like one

Me: I am so a ninja spy

Chad: sure, just like you own any songs written by people other than you, Twilight or that new New Moon movie that came out yesterday, I think…

Me: my dreams have been crushed yet again, but I shall start this chapter ninja spy style…

Chad: YOU ARE NOT A NINJA OR A SPY

Me: WHY YES, YES I AM, BUT NOW I AM A NINJA SPY ASSASSIN, NOW I SAY DIE CHAD, DIE…

…

ENJOY THE CHAPTER WHILE CHAD SUFFERS A CREUL AND PAINFUL DEATH…

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MY BRAIN HURTS…

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CHAD, STOP HURTING MY BRAIN…

* * *

Carlisle POV **(probably the last in the doc's POV for a while)**

I cannot believe that I am going to go through with this. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever done in my existence. I am a doctor for crying out loud. I am the one who should be the voice of reason trying to persuade someone that this isn't the answer; I should not be making a fool of myself by doing this idiotic request that could ruin my career, well for the moment anyway.

"You ready Carlisle?" said Edward, and I didn't need to look to know that he was smirking. I damn all the stupid mind reading vampires to hell, to hell I say. **(… maybe Carlisle should be in a coo-coo shack…)** I heard laughter from behind me and chose to ignore it because it was pointless to turn around when I already knew who was laughing.

"Edward, do I really have to do this? It is completely idiotic, and will make me a fool as far as the medical world if they find out about this." I really didn't want to do this. The only thing that was keeping me from running out of here was Alice. I had already tried to escape once, but she had seen what I was going to do beforehand and had Emmett block the exit I was going to use. I knew there was no point in trying to run away from Alice, but I just had to try.

"Nope," Edward said while popping the 'p'. I really hate it when people do that. **(And I love doing that… lol)**I mean, what is the point of it, it's not like it symbolizes anything; it is just annoying. **(And that is why I love it)** I could tell that Edward was going to laugh at my thoughts soon, so I started to block him out by repeating all of the medical text books that I had read in my head backwards. Those books were fun to read, but even funnier when you read them backwards. Ah, the good times.

"Well, this is it. I will make my entrance when I hear the line. Good luck Carlisle, you're going to need it." With that, Edward walked while laughing over to where he would make his entrance. I will admit, the prank seemed funny, but I would prefer it if Jasper or Emmett were the ones asking, instead of me. Well here goes nothing.

"I walked over to the gun section. They had all of the guns out on display, so this would be easier than I thought. **(I know in reality that this will never happen, but this is what I like to call IMAGINATION)** I picked up the most powerful gun they had, a *insert gun name here*. I must admit, I was a little disappointed. If this gun was really all the firepower that they had at this store, then they are seriously lacking. I mean, this gun in good, but I couldn't even shoot my pinky finger off with this thing. It would require some serious firepower for any gun to hurt me, but they were available. As I walked towards the employee that was stationed here, I picked up a box of bullets that were designed for this gun. Well, here goes nothing, were my final thoughts as I finally approached the worker.

"Hello, how are you? Do you need any help?" Why must they always ask if we need help? Do they not realize that it has many meanings? They could be asking if I needed to be locked up in the loony bin for all they know. That reminds me, why did they stop airing the Looney Tunes? I really enjoyed that cartoon. I mean, don't get me wrong, the Disney characters are cool and everything, but the Looney Tunes were very funny and enjoyable. Why, oh why did they stop showing the Looney Tunes, especially Porky the Pig? He was my favorite. The new Baby Looney Tunes show is all right, but it will never compare to the real Looney Tunes show.

What was I doing before I started to remember all of this stuff. It had something to do with a gun. Think Carlisle, think. Prank, gun, anti-depressants, that's it. I have to ask this employee where the anti-depressants are. How long was I thinking about Looney Tunes fore anyway? I think it was for about a minute because the employee was looking at me strange. Well, time to find my voice and complete this stupid task. Out of the corner of my eye, I swear that I saw Edward laughing to himself. To hell with all the stupid mind reading vampires, to hell I say.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I would like to know where the anti-depressants are. My doctors," that would be Emmett and Alice, "prescribed them to me and told me that I could get them from a Wal-Mart. They told me that they would help me with my problems. They also said something about a gun, and since my other one was taken away during one of my episodes, I figured that I would get a new one. So, do you know where I can get these anti-depressants?" I really hate this task that my "doctors" told me to do. It was all a part of the plan. I hate the plan. To hell with the plan, I say to hell. **(I really think he needs to at least visit the loony bin, what about you?) **

"I'm sorry; I don't know where the anti-depressants are. If you will wait a few moments, just let me call my supervisor, and he will be able to tell you where they are." This guy sounded nervous. Well, time for part two of the prank, did I ever mention that I hate the plan. To hell with the plan, I say to hell. In my head, I was laughing evilly. Hm, that has never happened before, must be imagining things. I could actually hear Edward trying to suppress laughter, wonder what making him laugh so hard.

"That's fine. I'll pass the time in song," with the statement, I was forced to rip off the clothes that I was currently wearing, to reveal the sparkled ones that were underneath **( when I say sparkly, I mean that he sparkles from head to toe, but not like the normal vampire sparkle)**. I regret to say that the outfit underneath was pink. I really hope Alice is prepared to die with her credit cards for making me wear thins. Oh well, Esme thinks that it is sexy, so I guess that it is worth the price I have to pay. **(I. Feel. Dirty.) ** Well, here goes nothing. I really hate this plan, and song, let's not forget the song. "I dedicate this to the hard working boy who is getting the supervisor to help me in my time of great need. My song goes something like this, ahem:

_Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're so incredible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Wonderful to me (to me)  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're irresistible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
A miracle to me_

Hold me  
I wanna feel your arms around me  
(Ooh na na, ooh na na)  
Kiss me  
'Cause only you can make me happy  
(Ooh na na na)

Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Oh Mr. Wonderful  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Are you for real?  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
It's not impossible  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Ooh-ah, Ooh-ah

Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're so incredible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Wonderful to me (to me)  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're irresistible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
A miracle to me

Touch me  
It feels like heaven, I'm so lucky  
(Ooh na na, ooh na na)  
Love me  
'Cause only you can make me happy  
(Ooh na na na)

Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Oh Mr. Wonderful  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Are you for real?  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
It's not impossible  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Ooh-ah, Ooh-ah

Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're so incredible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Wonderful to me (to me)  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're irresistible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
A miracle to me

A miracle to me

_A miracle to me_

_A miracle to me_

_A miracle to me_

Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na, ooh na na)  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na na)  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na, ooh na na)  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
Ooh-ah, Ooh-ah

Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're so incredible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Wonderful to me (to me)  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're irresistible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
A miracle to me 

_Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're so incredible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Wonderful to me (to me)  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're irresistible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
A miracle to me_

_  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na, ooh na na) A miracle to me  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na na) A miracle to me  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na, ooh na na) A miracle to me  
Ooh na na ooh ya-eh-ya  
(Ooh na na na) A miracle to me_

_**(Mr. Wonderful – by Smile I suggest that you listen to the song while you read this, it completes the chapter…)**_

Thank you all for listening to me declare my adoration to the boy behind the counter who is helping me as best as he can. Mere words cannot express my gratitude." I felt very idiotic. At least I won't be alone anymore. Edward's cue was right when I finished my last line, which I just had.

"How could you Jeff?" Did I ever mention that I hate my code name too? To hell with the code name, I say to hell. "I thought that we had something special, and now you're singing MY song to some random Wal-Mart Employee who does not look half as hot as me." And cue in the singing, god I really hate this prank. "Well, I'll prove to you how much more sexy I can be than that wimp who isn't even trying to win your heart." Now Edward ripped off his clothing, leaving him in nothing but a sparkly outfit similar to mine underneath. Thank the Lord that his was a light purple, or more commonly known as lavender.

* * *

Edward POV **(this will be short, but I just thought that I would give you a look into Edward's mind about the outfit he is currently wearing)**

I feel ridiculous wearing this outfit. Then again, Bella says it makes me look sexier than I already was and would look even better if I was standing out in the middle of the sun. God, I really love Bella. I can't wait for tonight… **(I. ****Still****. ****Feel****. DIRTY. MAYBE EVEN DIRTIER)**

T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T

Carlisle POV **(Doc's POV again, if you haven't noticed, this is my favorite chapter to write so far, well next to chapter 6)**

"Now, I will sing the song that has been rightfully named as YOUR song that I would always sing. Please note, passing bystanders, that whenever I refer to myself in this song, I am really referring to my lover, or ex-lover," he went into hysterics at that point, "Jeff." Hate my codename, but I do love Edward embarrassing himself. True, that I had to embarrass myself first, but his song is even more embarrassing than my song was. "This song goes something like this:

**(okay, the stuff in italics is the song, the stuff in bold and underlined is what Edward is doing while singing)**

_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me _

_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts _** with that Edward took off his shirt. A lot of females began to look at his chest.**_  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan _

_And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing _**Now Edward began to do some dancing that wasn't disco. I'm not even sure it could be called dancing.**

_I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk _** during that whole verse, Edward imitated walking down a catwalk**

_I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that _

_I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk _**Edward pretended to walk down a catwalk again and actually shook his "touché"**

_I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my_

_'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk _** Edward pretended to walk down a catwalk again and actually shook his "touché"**

_I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me _

_And I'm too sexy for this song _**He finished by taking out a water bottle from nowhere and splashing water on himself**

_**(I'm Too Sexy – By … Someone)**_

Now do you see how much I love you, Jeff? You are my sun, I cannot live without you. You complete me." Edward was really getting into this. I felt a tiny bit bad about the fact that I had to break his heart.

"I don't love you anymore, Chuck, my heart belongs to another man. You will always be my friend though." Now, was the even funnier part. "I am not worthy of the essence that is you. Find bigger and better things. Now, sir, do you know where the hell the anti-depressants are. I really need them." I was acting like I was hyperventilating.

"I know where they are, they were the whole reason I came here today aside from stalking you, but it will cost you one kiss. Do we have a deal Jeff?" As he was saying this, he began to twirl a knife in the air. If the employee was pale before I asked him where to look, then now he looked like he was dead. It was if he was thinking that we were both suicidal.

"Fine, but I'll give it to you once we pay for all of this stuff." I really hated this prank. As I have said multiple times before, to hell with the prank, to hall I say.

"That sounds fine to me. We'll get the pills, pay for them, the knifes and guns, then return for a romantic evening at home. Let us go then. Bye people's." I feel like an idiot because of this prank. We finally got far enough away that the people in the hunting department wouldn't see us and burst out laughing. We were like that the rest of the way to find everyone else. I had already known that they were somewhere close so that they could hear/see our little stunt.

"Took you guys long enough. Emmett, return the gun and knifes to the hunting department, but make sure that nobody sees you," said Alice all while holding in giggles.

"Can I go now?" I really wanted to leave. Why, oh why won't they just let me leave? I would rather be anywhere than here, and I'd rather be doing anything else that didn't involve these stupid pranks.

"Nope, you get to spend the whole day with us. Now what is the next prank?" As if Alice didn't already know. Well, this will be one long day.

* * *

Me: I found that very amusing to write AND IT WAS THE LONGEST CHAPTER YET AT 9 PAGES AND 3,188 WORDS

Chad: yup *pops the p*

Me: Me is still a NINJA SPY ASSASSIN, AND WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET CHAD?

Chad: you can't kill me because I am in your mind. Why are you so obsessed with being a ninja whatever?

Me: IT'S A NINJA SPY ASSASSIN, AND I AM "OBSESSED" WITH IT BECAUSE IT IS A CLUE TO THE NEXT CHAPTER…

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I WONDER WHAT THE NEXT PRANK WILL BE…

Chad: I don't because I already know, the next prank is-

Me: we do not discuss plans with non-…

…

Ummmm, with non-person who is writing this fic people…

Chad: right, and please note sarcasm

Me: WHATEVER, HEY PEOPLE, I AM CURIOUS AS TO WHAT ALL OF YOUR IMAGINARY FRIENDS ARE LIKE, WHEN YOU REVIEW GIVE ME A DESCRIPTION OF SAID IMAGINARY FRIEND, AND IF I REALLY LIKE THE FRIEND, THEN HE/SHE WILL BE FEATURED IN MY NEXT CHAPTER, UNLIKE CHAD WHO WAS A STINKY JANATIOR, YOUR CHARACTER WILL MUCH HIGHER IN THE SOCIAL CLASS…

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Chad: are you really going to put some other imaginary friend in your story other than me =(

Me: Why yes, yes I am, that is, if the friend is cool enough

…

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Me: okay, so don't forget to review and leave a little note about your imaginary friends, AND THEY BETTER NOT HAVE PERSONALITIES LIKE CHAD'S, ONE OF HIM IS ENOUGH, I DON'T NEED ANY MORE…

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REVIEW…. CHAD SAYS SO


	13. LEE LEE HATES SAM, PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY

Me: OMG!!!! NEW Chapter with Carlisle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: Someone is happy

Me: I have a great idea for this chapter so I am. I truly am

Chad: you own nothing related to Twilight or the songs featured in this chapter

Me: way to crush my dreams… speaking of which, only three people submitted imaginary friends T-T

Chad: yeah, one even stole my name

Me: so I decided to use all imaginary friends submitted!!!!!!

Chad: well on with the chapter

^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^

Bella POV

That last prank was so fun. I wonder what the next one will be. I hope it is good.

"Okay, the next prank is to dart around suspiciously dressed in Black w/ a fake walkie talkie while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme, and when someone asks what you're doing yell "Look out!" and push them behind a shelf. I think that is too dull, so what should we do to 'liven' it up?" Alice doesn't have an idea; this has got to mean that the end of the world is coming.

God, what can we do to make this prank better? We could get another employee into the mix, which could be interesting. We could sing the song terribly off key, but that wouldn't be good enough. We could... OME, that is perfect!

"Alice, I have a great idea, but it involves all of us. Is that OK?" I saw Alice get a glazed look after I asked her if it was OK. About thirty seconds later she came back to reality with a huge smile on her face.

"Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen. That has got to be the best idea yet, but we will need reinforcements! Come here everybody, including you Carlisle. Now here is the plan…" Oh, this will be fun!

Jacob POV

"Come here immediately!" God, I was only talking to Nessie about her dolls and all of the sudden the pixie has to call me telling me to meet them where they were yesterday. I thought they said that I wasn't allowed to bring Nessie there unless they weren't there.

"Why the hell do we have to go? You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want me or Nessie there after we helped with that one prank." I really wouldn't mind helping out with another prank, but if Blondie's there, I would rather stay at home.

"Just get your butt down here with Nessie or there will be consequences." Ha, she doesn't have anything on me. "I don't know about that, maybe someone secretly tapped all of your princess dinners, Princess Jacobine." No way. Those pictures cannot get out. If they did, my reputation is in the drain.

"Fine, we will be there in about twenty minutes, you happy?" I hate my life right now.

"Ecstatic, see you in 15 minutes and 21 seconds." With that the damn pixie hung up.

"Well Nessie, I guess we are going to Wal-Mart." This day could not get any worse.

**(Imagine that Alice can see the wolves and Nessie)**

=P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P =P

Seth POV (I just love this wolfy……..)

"What do you mean come to Wal-Mart right now?" I could hear Alice and Embry's conversation and knew that she was up to no good. I wonder if it is fun. Maybe she'll let me join.

"Put Seth on the phone." Embry handed me the phone. "Seth, we need you, Quil and Embry to come to Wal-Mart right now. It is an emergency." I doubt that it was urgent but it sounded fun, so I definitely will go. "Also, Jake told me to tell you that he orders you to come. Not in the Alpha way, more in the we-are-going-to have-some-kick-ass-fun order. Great, see you in 10 minutes and 17 seconds." With that she hung up.

"Come on guys, the leader says we have to go to have a kick ass time. Plus, we aren't doing anything worthwhile in here." I got up and began to leave the room. I heard Quil get up after me. Embry was a little hesitant, but eventually joined us on the way to the car. All I could think was that this was going to be an interesting day.

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Leah POV

Why was I cursed with this life? I was a good person. Why me then?

_Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're so incredible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Wonderful to me (to me)  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
Oh you're irresistible  
Hey Mr. Wonderful  
A miracle to me  
_

God I really hate that ring tone. Who the hell put Jacob's ring tone as that horrible song?

"Hello. What do you want Jake?" I really want to get back to what I was doing. I hope he doesn't make me run more patrols. I can only stand so many hormonal thoughts before I can' take it.

"I need you to come to Wal-Mart A.S.A.P. It is an emergency." God, I don't even want to know what they are doing in Wal-Mart.

"Are the bloodsuckers there?" If they were, then there was no way in hell that I was setting foot in that store.

"No, they aren't. Now hurry." Whatever. It was better than what I had originally planned for this afternoon. I wonder what is so important that he needed me to come to Wal-Mart. Well, only one way to find out.

Sam POV

"Sam, can you meet up with me at Wal-Mart, I would like to go through the patrol schedule one more time. Please." Why in the world would Jacob want to go over plans in Wal-Mart? I wonder if it has anything to do with the pranks that the bloodsuckers are doing there.

"Jake, why Wal-Mart?" I might as well get straight to the point.

"Why not Wal-Mart?" Why not, it's not like life could get any worse.

"Fine, I'll be there in ten minutes." I hung up after that and made my way to the car. I really hope I wasn't played into helping out those bloodsuckers.

* * *

Jasper POV

"GRAB THEM!" God, I love Alice, but I think she went a little too far. I know very well that Leah and Sam would rather be anywhere then here. Well, at least it isn't me. I actually don't mind what Alice has planned for me. I fell very sorry for Quil, Seth and Embry, though. They are really going to be mad. Oh well, i'm also sure that Carlisle hates the part that he has to play. It will really be a small world after all if we make it through the day with Carlisle actually saying he had a tiny bit a fun.

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME! I TOLD YOU I WOULDN'T COME IF THESE BLO-" You just got to love gags, especially if they are Emmett's dirty underwear. Why he has them here and how they got dirty is a mystery to me. One I have no intention of finding out.

"Now, now, Leah, we can't have you ruin all of our fun. The same goes for you Sam. I know for a fact that you would rather be anywhere else, but we have a mission to complete and we cannot do it without you. To sweeten the deal, Sam, we will pay for a vacation for both you and Emily to anywhere you want. Leah, we will stay out of your way for a month. Now I already saw that you would agree to these terms, so let's get this started." I really love my wife. I also love the fact that she isn't making me go first.

_5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes_

"Fine, we got it. Now can we get this thing over and done with? I want to get this done with so I can go home and get the smell of bloodsucker off of me. You ready Sam?" Leah has a point. I would really like to go home and get the wet dog smell off of me.

"Fine, but only for the vacation." With that, both Sam and Leah went to get into their respective costumes. This ought to be good.

_10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later_

"Here goes nothing. Bloodsucker with the emotions, for the fun of it, could you get Sam a little too excited?" I love this idea, although it could have done with out the bloodsucker comment. I nodded my head and began to send mass amounts of excitement to Sam. Sam and Leah both came out of the bathrooms in their respective outfits. To me, they looked like they were dolls. This will be good. Sam came over and picked up the stereo and began walking to the toy section of the store. The rest of us followed after them to get front row seats. And so task number 10 began…

**(Bold=Sam, Non-bold= Leah… you might want to read the whole song no matter what)**

Sam began to sing at his cue.

_**Hiya Lee-Lee  
**_

That was funny. Sam may be a great wolf, but nothing can ever change his horrible vocal chords. Leah then began to sing at her cue.

_Hi Sam!  
__**You wanna go for a ride?**__  
Sure, Sam!!  
__**Jump in!**__  
Ha ha ha ha_

I'm a Lee-Lee girl in the Lee-Lee world  
Life in plastic, it's crap-tastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

_  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**___

I'm a Lee-Lee girl in the Lee-Lee world  
Life in plastic, it's crap-tastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blonde single girl in the WOLF EAT WOLF world  
Dress me up, make your time, I'm your bitch  
You're my doll, rock 'n' roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, hit you there, cranky spanky

You can touch, you can play  
If you say I'm never yours, ooh ooh ooh

I'm a Lee-Lee girl in the Lee-Lee world  
Life in plastic, it's crap-tastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

_**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh_

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my fiend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

You can't touch, you can't play  
If you say I'm always yours  
You can't touch, you can't play  
If you say I'm always yours

_**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh_

I'm a Lee-Lee girl in the Lee-Lee world  
Life in plastic, it's crap-tastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a Lee-Lee girl in the Lee-Lee world  
Life in plastic, it's crap-tastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

_**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party **__, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ah ah ah, yeah  
__**Come on, Lee-Lee, let's go party**__, ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh_

Oh, I'm having oodles of fun!  
_**Well, Lee-Lee, we're just getting started…**__  
Oh, I HATE YOU SAM! YOU ARE A PIG! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!_

I never knew that there was an alternate version to the Barbie Song. That was hilarious though. I think that they were supposed to use there own names, but Leah took it a step further. That was so funny. Oh shit, there is someone coming this way. Well, let's see how Lee-Lee and Sam handle this. I let out one last chuckle before the person approached.

"Excuse me, are you Barbie's sister? And what does bitch mean? I asked my mommy that once and she told me when I was older that I would find out the meaning, and I think she meant today." I could already see that Leah was in no mood to talk. It was sad that she was going to snap at this little girl, but it was too funny to resist. I sent a surge of anger towards Leah.

"WHAT THE HELL? NO WAY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD I EVER BE RELATED TO THAT SLUT. BITCH, MY DEAR CHILD, IS SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY LEARNED. IT MEANS A FREAKIN' FEMALE DOG. NOW LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" I think I overdid the anger, but it was worth it. The little girl that had approached Leah stood there for a moment or two and I felt a little sorry for her, so I sent her a wave of happiness.

"Thank you so much, Lee-Lee. Now I can tell my Mommy what I learned today. I HATE YOU SAM! LEAVE LEE-LEE ALONE!" I will admit that I sent a surge of anger towards her at the end, and by now, even Carlisle was in hysterics.

_15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later _

"Bye Sam, bye Leah! Thanks for all of your help." Alice is so thoughtful. I think it helped that I saw to it that both Leah and Sam left in a daze. If I remember correctly, it was Bella and Alice's turn to perform. If I know Alice at all, she has something good planned for her performance.

"Come on Alice, I want to get this over with already. Let's change into our costumes." I think this is the first times that Bella has willingly told Alice to change clothes. Other than the times I influenced her.

"Sure thing Bella." She turned to me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and then she was gone. The rest of us began to walk to the department that Alice and Bella would be performing in.

_10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later 10 minutes later_

All of the sudden we heard the music and began to walk towards the sound. We walked to the aisle that held the peanut butter and jelly and that is where the first laugh started. There in the middle of the aisle were Alice and Bella. Bella looked like she would rather be anywhere else, so I sent a wave of excitement to her. Edward caught my eye and gave me a disapproving look. I sent him a wave of happiness to try and distract him. It seemed to be working. All of the sudden, Alice began to sing.

**(Bold=Alice, Non-Bold=Bella, Bold**** underlined=both****)**

_**It's peanut butter jelly time**__, peanut butter jelly time, __**peanut butter jelly time**___

Where he at 

_**Where he at**_

_Where he at_

_**Where he at  
**__There he go _

_**There he go**_

_There he go_

_**There he go  
**__Peanut butter jelly _

_**Peanut butter jelly**_

_Peanut butter jelly_

_**Peanut butter jelly**__  
Do the peanut butter jelly__**, peanut butter jelly,**__  
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat _

_**Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat**_____

_**Where he at **_

_Where he at_

_**Where he at**_

_Where he at  
__**There he go **_

_There he go_

_**There he go**_

_There he go  
__**Peanut butter jelly**_

_Peanut butter jelly_

_**Peanut butter jelly**_

_Peanut butter jelly  
__**Do the peanut butter jelly,**__ peanut butter jelly,  
__**Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat**_

_Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat_

Now, break it down and freeze

_**Now, break it down and freeze**_

_**Now, break it down and freeze**_

_**Now, break it down and freeze**___

_**Where he at**_

_Where he at_

_**Where he at**_

_Where he at  
__**There he go**_

_There he go_

_**There he go**_

_There he go  
__**Peanut butter jelly**_

_Peanut butter jelly_

_**Peanut butter jelly**_

_Peanut butter jelly  
__**Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly,**__  
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat _

_**Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat**___

Now tic tac toe _**(uh-huh) **__  
__**Tic tac toe**__ (let's go)  
Tic tac toe __**(you got it) **__  
__**Tic tac toe**__ (let's ride)_

_**Where he at **_

_**Where he at**_

_**Where he at**_

_**Where he at  
There he go **_

_**There he go**_

_**There he go**_

_**There he go  
Peanut butter jelly **_

_**Peanut butter jelly**_

_**Peanut butter jelly**_

_**Peanut butter jelly  
Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly,  
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat **_

_**Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat**_

_  
Now, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, your style_

_**Now, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, your style**_

_**Where he at **_

_Where he at_

_**Where he at**_

_**Where he at**__  
__**There he go**_

_There he go_

_**There he go**_

_**There he go**_

_**It's PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! BUT ADD THE FLUFF OR THE WORLD ENDS!**_

To say that people were stunned would be an understatement. There, in the middle of the aisle, were Alice and Bella. Alice was wearing a costume that appeared to be a canister of Peanut Butter. Bella was wearing something similar, but she was the jelly. I must say that the song was very amusing. Both Bella and Alice were doing this weird dance while singing. Did I also mention that they sung in very high pitched voices? I fear for the hearing of humans.

**(this is xXxXTwilightPrincessXxXx's character that is featured next)**

Suddenly, some blond cheerleader came up the aisle and started to grab all the cans of peanut butter and all the jars of jelly. She started screaming some nonsense of how the store was out of bread. I wonder why she was screaming that. She then began to get all of the fluff she could. Her cart was practically overflowing will of the things she was stuffing in there. I finally couldn't take it.

"What the hell are you doing? Who are you anyway?" I have a strange feeling that I knew her from somewhere. When she turned around, I suddenly realized why. This was the girl that hit on me at the college we were currently going to. To say she was dumb would be the understatement of the year. I don't know how many times she has caught me making out with Alice, but she still has the persistence to ask me to come over to her house and I quote "have a _good_ time." Alice even started to head to a janitor's closet with me, and the girl still asked me that question. Her name was Violet and the only thing she was in college for was cheerleading. She isn't even good at it; her parents had the money though.

"My name is Violet Dewily **(totally made up the last name)** and I am getting all the peanut batter, jelly and fluff I can so that I can at least save myself from the end of the world." She then turned and left all of us standing there with our mouths hanging open, aside from Alice and Edward, who probably knew about this before hand. After about 5 minutes of just standing their, everyone began to laugh like mad.

Finally, when we all calmed down, Alice began to speak. "Jake and Nessie, get ready, you are next!" WE then began to laugh at the faces made by the next two performers. I could already tell that this was going to be fun.

^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^

Me: I know that I didn't get to all of the imaginary friends today, but I thought that the chapter was long enough, so I didn't want to put in anymore songs.

Chad: why not reopen the contest?

Me: I will, but I only need 3 more imaginary friends, so the contest is reopened. PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND!

Chad: yup!

Me: REVIEW! OR CHAD GETS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Me: JUST KIDDING, OR WAS I? ...

…

… REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	14. FUN LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA STYLE

Me: Yay! Chapter #14, to which it is dedicated to my dear friend Aura Edward, she just loves one of the songs in this chapter

Chad: It's almost Christmas!

Me: But I celebrate Kwanza…

Chad: No you don't

Me: But nobody remembers Kwanza….

Chad: true, true

Me: ….. I OWN TWILIGHT AND THE SONGS!

Chad: Why yes, yes you do.

Me: O_O … Really?

Chad: Naw, Phantom's dreams will never come true

Me: go kill yourself Chad

Chad: I am not suicidal

Me: Whatever…. You totally are… now chapter 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza!

Jasper POV **(his POV will be over soon)**

"Do we have to? I would much rather see the blondie duet go before I am forced to leave. Well them and my wolfie buddies!" I could already feel how eager Jake was to get out of performing. In my opinion, no one wanted to be next, aside from Emmett, but who knows what goes on in his head. I could already see Edward shaking my head at me as a sign that I did not even want to know what Emmett was thinking.

"Let me think about it for a second." Alice must have been pulled into a vision, because all of the sudden her face was blank. "Ok, Rose and Jazz, you are now next. After you finish, it's Edward's time to shine!" I could see Edward go pale, even for a vampire. I have no idea what song Alice picked for him, but I think that he regretted it.

"Alice, do we have to? I really hate the costume, it makes me look square," Rose complained. **(O_o… hint for the song) **I will admit, I didn't like the song that much either, but at least I didn't have to sing as much as Rose. I will also admit that the remix version of the song that we are singing is hilarious!

"Rose, you are singing the song assigned to you, and you are dressing up in that costume. Now go and change." I love my little pixie. "You too, Jazzy." I don't love her as much now.

_15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later 15 minutes later _

Bella POV

"This ought to be interesting," said Jacob. I had a very good feeling that he was right. I already knew that Alice picked a song that did not fit Rosalie in any way possible. I think she put Jasper there just so he could make her willing to sing.

"Here they come! Momma, why is Rosalie dressed like a giant sponge and Uncle Jasper covered in green paint?" I love my daughter to death, but she does have a point. Why are Jasper and Rose dressed that way?

Right now we were in the walking in the direction of the arts and crafts. I wonder what song they were singing. I soon found out when the music started to play.

_**(Bold is Rosalie, **__plain text is Jasper, __underlined is both Rosalie and Jasper, and__**bold underlined is EVERYONE, also, I suggest that you read the whole song!**__**)**_

_**It's not about winning, it's about fun!**__  
What's that?  
__** Fun is when you...fun is...it' like...it's kinda...sorta like a...  
What is fun?? HERE...Let me spell it for you!**___

F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.  
U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!  
N is for No survivors when you're

_**  
Down here in the deep blue sea!**___

F is for Friends who do stuff together.  
U is for You and me.  
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

_**Jasper! Those things aren't what fun is all about!  
Now, do it like this,  
F is for Fire that burns down the-**___

Never! That's completely idiotic!  
_**  
Here, Let me help you...  
F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.  
U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!**_

_  
N is for No survivors when you're_

_**Down here in the deep blue sea!**___

Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...  
Should we stop?

_**No! That's how you're supposed to feel!**___

Well I like it! Let's do it again!

_**Okay!**___

_F is for Fierce lions chewing on bones  
U is for Unexpected revenge  
N is for Never cleaning and eating all the food.  
Here with my best enemy.  
__  
__(Menacing Laughing part)__  
__**  
Down in the deep blue sea.**_

_**(F.U.N. Song by people of Sponge-bob)**_

We all stared in silence as Rose and Jasper took a bow and ran to the dressing rooms. It was only when they returned that we began to laugh hysterically. It was also at that point that we noticed a girl at the end of the aisle. Once she saw that she had our attention, she walked right up to Rosalie.

"Hey Sponge-blond, do you know where I can get about a thousand 360 double shot machine guns **(not a gun person, so gun is fake)**, about a hundred thousand platypuses and ten thousand female sea horses?" Why did she want only female sea horses? What was wrong with the males?

"One, my name is Rosalie not sponge-blond. Two, who the hell are you? And three, what is wrong with the male seahorses?" Rosalie can be so good with words at times.

**(Character submitted by anonymous reviewer Chad II)**

"Oh, how rude of me! My name as of this moment is special agent Tracey Aura Chad. **(O_o)** I only need female seahorses because I don't want the males reproducing while I am trying to take over the world." We all stared dumbstruck at this girl. I doubt that she was serious; I mean who can rule the world with a legion of animals.

"There she is! Get her!" We heard the voices from down the aisle. "Tracey" must have heard them too because she was running in the opposite direction.

"You'll never catch me alive! The world will quake at my might! The platypuses will be recognized!" What the special agent didn't seem to realize was there was another guy at the end of the aisle. He seemed to be holding a syringe. When she ran past him he caught her and emptied the contents of the syringe into her arm. She managed to struggle free before collapsing onto the ground. "Tracey" then began to snore, very loudly, I might add.

"Sorry about that. She escaped this morning and we have been searching for her ever since. I also might want to warn you to never sing something like that ever again. I have to go now though. She won't stay asleep for long, and we still need to get her straight jacket back on. I have no idea how she managed to get out of two in three minutes, but then again, I really would rather not know the means in which she escaped.

With that, the man walked away. Edward then began to laugh very loudly. "He knows how she got out of the jackets; he just doesn't want to admit it." Edward began laughing louder. I opened my shield and asked him how the man knew that the girl had escaped.

"He took them off of her, along with his shirt and pants." With that we all began to laugh. I mean, who knew that the people in the crazy bin could pull a trick like that!

_5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes_

"Ok, now that we are all laughed out from that incident, Eddie, it's your turn!" I could tell that Edward really resented agreeing to this, but if I had to go through my torture, then he had to go through his.

_5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes_

"Fine, I'm ready. I'll meet you in the pharmacy. I need a few minutes alone." I felt a little bad for my husband, but then I thought about how he didn't let me back down. I didn't feel as bad anymore.

_5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes later 5 minutes_

"Where is he?" I could already tell that Emmett was getting bored. I think he really wanted to do his song, but being part of the original prank, he was forced to go last.

"I don't know… Oh wait, there he is." And he was there, in one of the most ridiculous outfits yet. It was similar to his previous costume, but with more sparkles and a Spanish flare to it. Alice then started the music, and Edward got into position. I think Jasper sent some happiness Edward's way because he suddenly became lively.

**(It's all Edward from here)**

_She's into superstitions black cats and voodoo dolls.  
I feel a premonition that girl's gonna make me fall.  
She's into new sensations new kicks in the candle light.  
She's got a new addiction for every day and night._

She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain.  
She'll make you live her crazy life but she'll take away your pain  
like a bullet to your brain. Come On!

Upside, inside out she's livin la vida loca  
She'll push and pull you down, livin la vida loca  
Her lips are devil red and her skin's the color mocha  
She will wear you out livin la vida loca Come On!  
Livin la vida loca, Come on!  
She's livin la vida loca.

Woke up in New York City in a funky cheap hotel  
She took my heart and she took my money  
she must've slipped me a sleeping pill  
She never drinks the water and makes you order French Champagne  
Once you've had a taste of her you'll never be the same  
Yeah, she'll make you go insane.

Upside, inside out she's livin la vida loca  
She'll push and pull you down, livin la vida loca  
Her lips are devil red and her skin's the color mocha  
She will wear you out livin la vida loca Come On!  
Livin la vida loca, Come on!  
She's livin la vida loca.

_  
She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain.  
She'll make you live her crazy life  
but she'll take away your pain like a bullet to your brain. Come On!_

Upside, inside out she's livin la vida loca  
She'll push and pull you down, livin la vida loca  
Her lips are devil red and her skin's the color mocha  
She will wear you out livin la vida loca Come On!  
Livin la vida loca, Come on!  
She's livin la vida loca.

_**(Livin la Vida Loca by some random group! Sorry, I forgot who wrote it)**_

Edward then pulled me in for a kiss. We only broke apart when we heard a voice. My guess is he was speaking to Edward because of what he was saying.

**(****Again ****this is xXxXTwilightPrincessXxXx's character but not Violet, I think she already had enough time to shine)**

"I can fix that for you, you know. You don't have to live 'la vida loca' anymore once I get through with you." This guy is a little creepy. I mean ,what will he fix? Will he fix Edward like you can "fix" a dog or a cat? I would rather that not happen.

"I would rather not get 'fixed.' I enjoy livin la vida loca. Also, if I may ask, who are you?" I had to admit it, Edward sounded a little scared when he talked to the stranger. I think he was just a little terrified at what this boy was thinking about.

"Why yes, yes you can ask. My name is James, James Desturction **(made up last name, it's really destruction spelled wrong!) **but my friends all call me Jimmy, Jimmy." This Jimmy dude was starting to freak us all out. Luckily, Alice came to the rescue.

"Hi Jimmy. We don't need your services, but I think that person over there does. Some punk is annoying her. I think his name is Chad, and he is saying something about a werewolf and no dreams. Thanks anyway." I could already tell that Jimmy was going to go away, and for that I was thankful.

"Why yes, yes I will help the phantom." No idea why he called the person a phantom, **(I'm in the story, Oh joy!) ** but at this point I could care less. "I bid you farewell, and if you ever need my services, here is my card." He handed Alice the card and then left towards the people fighting. Once he was out of sight, Alice threw the card to the ground and turned to face us. She appeared too happy which is never good.

"So, who wants to go next?" Like I said, not a good thing.

B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0 B0

Me: And so concludes chapter 14!

Chad: You will never become a werewolf FYI

Me: Yes I will

Jimmy: I can fix that for you

Me: all I need is the suicidal freak gone

Jimmy: That I can do too

Me: OK, Bye Chad. Send my regards to Satan

Jimmy: There he is gone

Me: you can go too

Jimmy: I have no need to go

Me: …. Oh look a kitten stuck in a tree

Jimmy: I can fix that

Me: then fix it

Jimmy: OK, here is my card incase you need me to fix anything

Me: ….ok

…

REVIEW OR JIMMY WILL FIX YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THANK YOU **xXxXTwilightPrincessXxXx **FOR THE USE OF YOUR CHARACTERS!

THE SAME GOES FOR Chad II!

BUH-BYE PEOPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chad: no point what so ever

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, he is back

Chad: yes and I'm here to stay

Me: NOOOOOOOOOO

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REVIEW


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